Thinking Talmudist Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

You're listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of Torch in Houston, Texas. This is the Thinking Talmudist podcast.

Good morning, everybody. Welcome back to the Thinking Talmudist. It's so wonderful to be here and today we're going to learn a new piece of Talmud from Tractate Ketubot or Ketubos Which is going to talk to us a little bit about how to give charity. What are our values when we talk about When we talk about acts of kindness, what's the proper way for us to do these acts?
So the Talmud begins in the bottom of 67a The Talmud starts talking about a story Okay, Taner Abonon The rabbis taught in Ebresa, Yasson v'Yosoma Shaboli Hispanis, an orphan boy and an orphan girl Come before the administrators of the charity fund to be supported to be fed Mifar Nesin Yassoma v'Achakach Mifar Nesin Yassoma First you support the female orphan and then you can support the male orphan Mipnei she ho'ish dar kol hachazer al hapsochim v'ein ho'ish dar kol hachazer
He said it's customary for men to go around begging for from door to door but it is not customary for women to do the same and Therefore out of sensitivity that she's not gonna feel comfortable She'll be embarrassed and humiliated to go knock on doors. We support her first and then the boy So the Gemara the Brice now continues Yasson v'Yosoma if an orphan boy and an orphan girl Come individually for charity funds in order to get married not to each other
So different a bride getting married and a groom getting married So, who do you support first Mifar Nesin Yassoma v'Achakach Mifar Nesin Yassoma First we marry off the orphan girl and only afterwards do we marry off the orphan boy Mipnei she bushasha shal isha meruba mishal ish. Why? Because the sensitivity of shame of A woman is greater than the sensitivity to shame of a man So Gemara now recites a related Brice. Tone Rabona on the rabbis Tone Rabona Yasson v'Yosoma
When an orphan boy comes for charity funds in order to get married He needs help. So we rent a house for him. We rent a house for him. We rent a house for him We support him with the bed buying him beds and with all the furnishings required for him to use V'achakach mesian lo isha and afterwards we marry off a wife for him Okay So we we find first why sheneh mar de machsor ashei achsalom because there's a verse in Deuteronomy in the Torah
That tells us as follows Open up your hand and provide for the extent of his needs. Whatever is lacking for him Whatever is lacking for him. That's what you need to give him So people ask how much charity do I have to give him? I don't have to give anything But the Torah says the proper amount is not what you want to give It's what they're lacking It's what they're lacking. It's very different Usually it doesn't match up what we want to give and what they're lacking
Okay, and the Gemara now is going to go into details of how sensitive we need to be in This regard De machsoro ze habayis ashei achsar ze mito v'shulchon lo zu isha V'chein hu omer e'eseh lo ezer k'negdo. He says as follows the verse states De machsoro the extent of his needs that refers to his house Machsoro ze bayis the extent of his needs refers refers to his house ashei achsar lo Ashei achsar zu mito v'shulchon. What is lacking
Which is what the verse says right is referring to the bed and the table and lo to him is referring to a wife Why? Because that's exactly the same term that is used with regarding to Adam when it says Ashei e'eseh lo ezer k'negdo I will make for him when it's referring to when you see the word lo it's referring to Finding a wife for him. Ashei achsar lo is referring finding a wife for him So then Hashem God fashioned the side
That he had taken from the man into a woman and he brought her to the man. Okay, so ashei achsar lo Is teaching us these things. I will just tell you that there's a special mitzvah of helping a couple get married All right, not only financially but also suggesting ideas if you see a guy you see a girl that they're Wanting to settle down. It's it's it's proper for us to make suggestions for them
Make a suggestion so that you can bring them together. So let me tell you a quick story What happened was is that I was I was just randomly Caring about my own business Right just doing my own thing and I get a phone call. I got a phone call from a friend of mine from Moscow and He tells me that we were together in yeshiva many years ago and he tells me, you know, I have a daughter she's dating and
There's somebody that we have our eye on for our daughter Ask him who he says actually someone that you know So I said, okay. I know the family well I think they're excellent people. I tell him all about him all about them and He says would you do us the favor and recommend it to them? I said absolutely So I did so and then They at first I don't know
Maybe this shouldn't be public on on nothing at first one of the one of the sides, you know looking into like I don't know if we're so interested. Maybe maybe not and I like you should probably take a look at this seriously I think this is a really good idea for your son your daughter, whatever and Then I didn't really hear back from that much I Did get information. They told me that they decided that they were going to start dating and
I got a phone call this week that they're getting engaged So some wife says did you make the shidduch? I said, I don't know if I made the shidduch I don't know anybody makes a shidduch. My mother was a was a shadchan Okay, she was a she still is and she made hundreds of Matches and and the amazing thing about her is that my mother wouldn't brag about it So if you weren't the first phone call that came in right after she found out
She would never tell you She'd never tell you she's very very humble very very modest and very Discreet she wouldn't share, you know these things but it's a very special thing So I I feel even if I didn't make the shidduch, which I don't think I did I don't deserve much credit here. It wasn't my idea. I was like, okay Nudged it along a little bit but the fact that I that Hashem put me in a situation where I
Had one even if it's one little washer or bolt on that assembly I'm very very honored It's a tremendous mitzvah to help a young man and young woman who are looking for a Life partner together. It's a special thing to have a partner Okay, so now the Gemara cites another bridesmaid that expounds the same verse. It's I will tell you though Okay, if we're ready to talk about this topic, my wife thinks I'm nuts. Okay, and I'll explain why okay, I Say that no
Shidduch no match really makes any sense. Okay. I don't think anything me I don't think any husband and wife ever have to make sense It has to make sense for them, but I have to understand why it makes sense for them I don't I don't have to understand it. So when I see a guy I see a girl put them together Why not see see my work, you know, it's like a 50% chance as is Pants skirt put them together
My wife's like it doesn't work like that. And I'm like, yeah, I think it kind of does I think like why not like what like who thought that my wife and I would be a good idea just by like like Right. Thank God. We're almost 25 years in But who would have thought you think somebody thought into it so deeply and knew us so well Oh, this is a great idea
Why is it a good idea better than any other idea like who said put it together see it let them figure it out Now I did put together. I suggested a friend of mine To some a close family a close family friend a friend of mine from yeshiva and a close family friend Put them together and they called me back after the first day. They're like, what were you thinking? So it doesn't always work like that, right?
Okay, but again, you never know. So that's why I'm like just give it a shot. You know someone who you know Make a recommendation. It works. It works doesn't work. No harm. No foul. Okay, the Gomorrah sites. That's my that's my Opinion on this matter. That's what my wife thinks. I'm totally out of my mind Okay, the Gomorrah cites another Bryce. So that expounds on the same verse toner up on on day my sorrow the verse states with regard to assisting the poor open up your hand and
provide for the extent of his needs atom it's over all of the farness on The either Matsuva all of the ashram Says the Torah teaches that you are commanded regarding a pauper to support him to provide him with his basic needs But you are not commanded to make him rich So we'll understand this in a minute in a much clearer way. I say yes Hello, whatever he is lacking. I feel a soothed lyric of a love
The evident low roots Lafanna even if he is lacking a horse to ride upon and a servant to run before him You must provide these for him Amr all of all Hill is okay. They said about Hillel the elder shall look at Lonnie Ben Tovim echoed That he once took from a for a pauper from an aristocratic family Soos lyric of a love of Everett Lawrence Lafonna if he got him a horse to ride upon and a servant to run before him
I'm a hassle. Oh, Motso Everett Lawrence Lafonna on one occasion Hill could not find this servant to run before the pauper the ruts Lafonna of Sholeh Shmuelin and he himself Hillel ran in front of the horse for three million imagine like three miles, okay that Right because this this pauper had grown up amidst wealth and had thus become used to very luxurious Lifestyle. Okay. So here's what we need to understand about this. Imagine two different people two different scenarios One scenario you have a person
grew up in a poor home Comes to your doorstep and says I'm not asking for much. All I need is bread Bread, I have no money in my bank account zero dollars in my bank account. I need bread Example number one example number two This guy didn't come like the other guy like person number one from a poor home. This guy came He was the former executive of a fortune 500 company He used to be driven around by chauffeur in a Bentley
He used to have custom tailored suits and he comes to your house He used to eat caviar and steak and all the wonderful luxuries He comes to your house and says I need your help. I Have zero dollars in my bank account. I got fired from my job. My wife left me whatever it may be What is the difference between these two people they both have zero dollars in their bank account one Doesn't have big ideas one
Lived a very modest life grew up in a poor home He's not missing high-end Five-star Michelin chef dinners. He's not missing a chauffeur. He's not missing the luxurious life the other guy in the other hand lived in a very luxurious lifestyle And now he's down to nothing the difference Our Torah teaches us Is not in what they have right now. It's in the shame that they carry This guy used to be chauffeured around now has to go by Metro
This guy always went by Metro It's not a difference For one he's carrying severe shame Embarrassment I Used to be mr. Know-it-all. Mr. Have-it-all and now He resorts to Going on the Metro. Okay, it's very humiliating for him Humiliating for him so you understand that the level of sensitivity that we need because we could say yeah, listen This is what I give I give I'm giving you $18 like I gave him. I'm giving you Very different says the Talmud
Even if he was accustomed to having a Servant running in front of his horse That's what you need to do. Now. That doesn't mean that you need to go pull out your resources To make him a rich boy But at least at the very least we have to feel their shame The Torah teaches us what it means to be sensitive The Torah teaches us what it means to look out for another person It's like, you know what people say
you know when the market crashed in 2008 I Went to someone's office that I was learning with on a regular basis every week. I'd learn with this guy He was so devastated He he looked or I walked in He looked like a dead person I'm not kidding you I Said to him what's going on? What's the matter? Why do you look like this? He says to me you may never understand what it means to lose a hundred and seventy million dollars
Now I could tell that to you and you were like, well at least you had a hundred seventy million, right you're probably That's not everything you had. You probably still have a whole bunch of money That's not the correct perspective. Oh We should I should have that problem you've all heard people say someone wins the life of the lottery and Then they lose that money. I should have that problem, right? I should know no, no, you don't understand He lost an enormous amount of his wealth an enormous amount
Whether he was using it to buy houses for vacation homes or using it to give charity doesn't make a difference Understand the trauma it is for him to lose such an enormous amount of money That's what we need to understand. That's what the Torah is teaching us This is a verse In Deuteronomy where the Torah is teaching us Exactly how we need to conduct ourself Ki patoh ach tiftach This is chapter 15 verse number 8 in Deuteronomy. All right. So what does the verse say here?
Ki pasoh ach tiftach es yod echol lo v'ha'abeit ha'abitenu de machsoro asher yech sar lo Rather you shall surely open your hand to him Asher yech sar lo Rather you shall surely open your hand to him. You shall surely lend him sufficient for his need Whatever is lacking to him Whatever is lacking to him The Torah is teaching us sensitivity. The Torah is teaching us how to conduct our lives
Even when you're the giver you have to know how to give you have to understand what their needs are Okay, so the Gomorrah cites another brice that expounds the same verse Right now so we said that he that Hill himself ran in front of the horse for this person now again The Torah says you have to support him doesn't say you have to make him rich. Okay, so it's something to remember
If you're able to give him the Bentley you're able to give him the chauffeur you're able to give him that fine great But if not, at least support him understand him is what you need to do Understand the tragedy that he's experiencing So the Gomorrah cites a related brice aton rabbon on my sabban shay gol el el yon. There was once a story that occurred with the people of The Upper Galilee shalok hu la'ani ben tovim echad mitzippori
Litra basa b'choyom that they brought for a pauper from an aristocratic family from Tzipori a litra of meat each day Now, I don't know about you But that's a that's a very big luxury to have meat every day a litra of meat is a lot It's a several pounds of meat Yeah, they brought him that every day. Why? from where he comes from to eat a Peanut butter and jelly sandwich is a real a real a blow to him Again it's relative
It's relative to the individual So the Gomorrah asked lit for a basar of my rebusa. What is so extraordinary about a litra of basar a Piece of meat weighing 14 ounces is not a particularly remarkable quantity for One's daily meal. So what's what's the big deal? Why is it such a big deal? It's the Gomorrah offers two answers. Omar Avhuna Avhuna says litra basa mishal ofos they brought him a litra of fancy fowl meat
The meat of these birds was very expensive nevertheless since he was accustomed to savoring fine foods The charity fund supplied him with fancy fowl meat rather than other less expensive meat Okay, so they didn't buy him the cheapest meat They bought him the best meat V by Yosemite. You can offer a different understanding belitra basar mamish that They purchased actual meat animal meat with a litra The meat was so expensive that a day's supply cost them a litra's weight in
Coins, which is a lot. So imagine it was like it wasn't a litra value is a litra of weight Alitra let's say is 14 ounces 14 ounces weight of coins is what they paid to buy this meat for him so that he can be at at the level that he needed for For his sustenance for again, but his emotional sustenance For his character sustenance for his dignity sustenance The Gomorrah offers a third answer. Avashi Omar Avashi says what does it mean that they gave a litra
Of meat? Hossam Kfar Kotan Haya He says it was a small village and there were a few buyers for the remainder of the meat Bechol Yoma Hava Mavsidei Chiusa Amtul Tei. Hence each day They had a they had to waste an entire animal on his account just so that he can have his meat for Right yet the charity fund shouldered the expense in order to provide the pauper for his daily litra of meat To which he was accustomed
Okay, the Gomorrah relates another incident regarding a pauper with expensive tastes, right? Because you know, I remember once Someone came over to a person I was I was there in the room when the person came over and said, you know I'm collecting for my family and I you know, we had some some medical things and now we need to pay off our mortgage So the person says you need to pay off your mortgage. I need to pay off my mortgage
You need to pay off your mortgage. Go get a job and I get you know, that's what the person said I think I also need to pay off my mortgage. I start collecting money because I need to pay off my mortgage No, you get a job and support your family like going collecting is not the thing now. Is that the right answer? Maybe maybe not every person needs to know what the you know what they're dealing with
Like why would you why why is that something you would go to collect money for okay Everyone has to ask their own questions to themselves But at least to understand the pain that this person must be going through and I'll be honest with you When when when people come to collect here in Houston? Something that I try to do is to really really sit with the people and talk to them Sit with them and talk to them hear their story
Don't just throw money even if it's a dollar even if it's a thousand dollars, it doesn't make a difference what the amount is it's about What the what the Torah is really teaching us here is take the time to understand the other person Right, because if if these sages wouldn't pay attention to what was going on, they say listen, this is our standard This is what we give to poor people now get out
No, they heard the story. They understand where he's coming from. He's coming from a very different place. He has different needs It's subjective to him Right, so there was a certain pauper who came before of Nehemiah To be fed how who'd also the commander of Nehemiah? Amal a bama at a so a dream Nehemiah said asked him on what are you accustomed to dine? I'm relay. He said the boss or shaman via in Yoshon fatty meat and aged wine
It's home. So I'm going to Galilee me by adoshim. I'm gonna come he said to him Are you interested in instead joining me and eating meals of lentils because that's what Rebbe Nehemiah was eating Galgal emo by adoshim having no choice The pauper joined him in his meals of lentils for mace and he actually died the pauper died Omar oh loy Lose a shahar go Nehemiah. Whoa unto this pauper who Nehemiah killed Remember I felt that he brought about the pauper's death by feeding him
Simple lentils instead of the fine cuisine to which he was accustomed and I think more than just the food that he fed him Again, the embarrassment kills more seriously more painfully Than the food what lentils are healthy, right it right but but still again I I'm confident that if we look in the commentaries the commentaries are gonna say that he died not as a death of like you Okay, no more pulse, right? We're talking about a normal heartbeat. You're talking about he died an embarrassment Embarrassment is a terrible thing
It's a devastating thing our sages compared the Torah compares it to actual death because of the embarrassment Spills the blood from the face you turn pale you turn white your body blood is it's a our sages compared to the blood being spilled, okay The Gemara asks Adir Abba to the contrary. Oh, no Nehemiah shahar go lozeh mi boyle He says on the contrary. It should be woe is to Nehemiah that he Killed this pauper. So the Gemara says Elo ihu hu doloy i boyle lefanu kei nafshe kulei hai
Nehemiah was not responsible for his death rather the pauper caused his own demise Since he should not have pampered himself so much. He should not have ingrained within himself such an intense dependence upon delicacies I'll actually tell you an interesting story So when I my father, you know, like like literally the the rawest nerve you can touch with my father Is the nerve of luxury We grew up so against luxury whether my parents had or didn't have what they could afford or not afford you knew no different
It was you know, it was it was simple Simple life. We were that the happiest family. We had the nicest house. It wasn't okay, but that's the way we felt That's we felt doing that's the way we grew up is like our home is the nicest home in the world We don't need to look at anybody's house. I remember one time a neighbor came to us and said, you know maybe Maybe you should consider painting the outside of your house
you know, it's like it looks like it the paint is peeling and And I remember my father said he said if it bothers you you can paint it I look out and I see your house and it's a beautiful house. It's perfect, right? You're looking at my house. It bothers you so you paint it, right? But the truth is is that we never looked outside we never looked at what the neighbor had we never looked We were conscientious about not poking out the neighbor's eyes
When you buy a car to be to be thoughtful of that So I'll tell you it's a true story when I moved back from Israel when I moved back from Israel my wife and I we needed a car and I figured the best car for us would be like a Toyota Camry So I called every dealership on the On the East Coast and I said any used cars. This is my budget. This is what I have to spend any used cars used used
Camry at this at this price range Asking asking asking I get a phone call One night like at nine o'clock at night from a car dealer He says to me you called me. I Called me I Have a Lexus that's being traded in right now. It was just dropped. Oh, it wasn't even dropped off yet. It's at the ladies house first owner nine years old mint condition if You come right now with the exact money. I had to spend you come right now
It's yours if you even wait till tomorrow morning The price will maybe double It's yours if you take it right now I said fine. I Drive down there to South Jersey and I go and this car I turn on that engine. It sounds like it's in a dealership. This car was every oil change Exactly 3,000 miles it was like clockwork now It was a black a brand new car. It was like a gift from Hashem one problem with the car
One problem. What was the problem with the car? Well, that was one thing. It's too fancy It's a Lexus, right? It had a dent the entire side of one's one side of the thing was the right side of the left side of the car the entire from the front wheel To the back wheel had a major dent Lady probably drove into a one of those Ballards, right? She drove right into it scratched the entire side of the car. I said Now I want it
now I want it and We had that car I had it for almost 10 years I had that car and I remember I had people when I lived here in Houston first it was in Bridgeport that we lived here. I had people literally Call me up and say rabbi, please do me a favor Take your car to my auto body shop. I will pay for it but that's such an eyesore that such an eyesore you can't be driving like that with that with that the
Dent in the whole side of the car. It was like it was like one good line It's like a good deep line from one one one side from one side to the other Okay, I never did but my father was very disappointed when he saw the car He's like, are you crazy? Like again, this is like against his whole fabric of who he is When you're crazy you buy a Lexus. Are you crazy? What do you one of those fancy people? so
Relating to this Gamora. I want to give you what my brother-in-law told me I said to my brother-in-law sounds thin. What's it so worked up? It's like I paid for it. Nothing. I paid for it like Not nothing. I paid for it with was exactly what my budget was by the way The guy called me back a week later the dealership. He said I'll buy it back for almost double what you paid I'll buy it back. I Said no, and thank you. I appreciate it
All right, but but what was the what was the it was my brother-in-law said the problem is not that you have this car The problem is that you're gonna get used to a certain standard of luxury that now you can't go down from it That's a problem That it was but it didn't make a difference It didn't make a difference the idea that you don't want to get yourself up to a certain standard And that's what the what the Gamora here is commenting about this individual
The Gamora is commenting. He should not have pampered himself so much He should not have ingrained him within himself such an intense dependence upon delicacies This is the challenge is that when a person starts upping their their standards So now I can't go down from that standard Right and by the way, just because it's a good price One thing just because it's a good price and just because it's an old car. It doesn't mean anything Let me ask you a question if someone gave you a gift of
an old 20 year old Rolls-Royce Would you drive it? No that I'll tell you the answer is no I Know I know but but I'm just saying it's it's different just because I got it for free I got a steal of a deal. You're still not gonna be driving around in a Rolls-Royce Okay, because there's certain standards that you don't want to you right? Yes I am Jewish, but I'm also a pragmatist and I knew and I knew that it was too good of a deal that
I would have I would have not been able to find a suitable car Even with the egg with the money. He was giving back to me. I would not be able to He just did it because for him. He probably made $500. He's like I didn't even need to touch it I don't need to register it. I don't need to do all the pay the taxes nothing So he just like for him
It was just a clean quick profit. But again, the idea behind this is let's not lose sight of Luxuries can do damage. Yes. It's very nice to have luxuries It does damage because we become accustomed to them and then look at look at our children today our generation They're living in unbelievable luxuries our children. They have phones that have technology They have computers that have I mean the technology is unbelievable or what children have The access the plenty and yet
Children are not happier than they were 50 years ago They're not They're much more medicated, right doctor. So now the Gamara relates another incident involving a pauper who had developed a desire for fine foods How who'd us like I made the Rava there was a certain pauper that came before Rava to be fed Rava said to him, Amarlo, what are you accustomed to dining with? Amarlo, he said to him, A fattened hen and aged wine Amarlo, Rava responded to him,
Are you not concerned about imposing hardship on the community who would be paying for your expensive tastes? Amarlo, the pauper replied, Are you not concerned about imposing hardship on the community who would be paying for your expensive tastes? Am I eating that from that which is theirs? I'm eating from that which belongs to the merciful one. Am I eating from that which belongs to the merciful one? I'm eating from God's. The Tanina, because we learn in the Bridesmaid, The Tanina, because we learn in the Bridesmaid,
The eyes of all look to you with hope and you give them each Their food in their time. It doesn't say in their time. It says in his time. What does that mean? It teaches us that the Holy One blessed as He furnishes the provisions of each individual in His proper time. It teaches us that the Holy One blessed as He furnishes the provisions of each individual in His proper time. At that point, Rava's sister, who had not seen him for 13 years, came by.
At that point, Rava's sister, who had not seen him for 13 years, came by. And she was so excited to see her brother, so she brought him a great gift. And she was so excited to see her brother, so she brought him a great gift. What do you think she brought him? A fattened hen and aged wine. Amar Rava, noting this extraordinary turn of events, exclaimed, What is this that has happened before my eyes, Amar Rava? Rava turned to the pauper and said to him,
I said too much when I criticized you, come, rise and eat with me. I said too much when I criticized you, come, rise and eat with me. And they had fattened hen and old aged wine. So you see that, yes, indeed, Hashem gives every person. We are not here to criticize people. It's not our place to tell people how they should live their lives, what luxuries are tolerable, what luxuries are not tolerable, how a person should, that's not our place.
Again, for ourselves, it's a worthwhile message that the Talmud is teaching us, to ensure that a person does not accustom themselves to too high a standard. Don't get caught up in that, it's not a good thing for a person to do. Okay, so now the Gemara turns to the topic of how charity should be dispensed without offering those who, without offending those who will receive it. The Rabbis taught Nebrai, If one does not have the means to support himself,
but does not want to be supported by the charity funds, he's humiliated, I have to come to take out a loan, I have to come to ask the community for charity, I have to come on to an organization that's going to help feed my family for Shabbos. It says that the Torah teaches us that first give it to them as a loan, and then we turn around and give it to them as a gift. We do not attempt to collect the payment from him.
Okay, so this is what the Torah's solution is. First give it to them as a loan, and then never ask them for the money back, and that way you gave the charity, you gave the charity, and they don't know it's charity, they think it's a loan that they haven't yet repaid, whatever, but at least it keeps their dignity. That's what Rabbi Meir says, We give him the necessary funds as a gift, and then we turn around and give them to him as a loan.
Okay, we give it to him as a gift, and then we give it to him as a loan. So in general, I've had people call me on how they should give charity, and one specific individual called and said, someone just called me to ask me for, I think it was a $5,000 loan. He says, I know that they will not be able to repay me. I know that they won't. I said, are you willing to give it to them as charity?
He says, yes, so let them ask for charity. Why are they asking for a loan? I said, because they have a dignity, and it's hard for someone to ask for charity for that kind of money. He said, if you're able to give it and you don't need it back, then give it to them in the name of a loan just to protect their dignity so that they don't feel that they're a pauper. Say, it's a loan. No, no, no, no.
I'm not giving it to you. I'll give it to you. It's a loan. Meanwhile, your intention is, Now, in general, I tell people that when you loan someone money, don't ever expect it back. Now, sad reality that if someone borrows money, it's a responsibility to pay it back. I had a person once I borrowed. I didn't want to borrow it. What happened was, it was many, many years ago. It was at least 15 years ago, and Torch was having a difficult time,
and this guy happens to ask me. He says, how are things going there? I said, it's rather difficult. See, he says, what's going on? I told him what was going on. I was behind on payroll. Thank God. I don't think it's happened since, but Baruch Hashem. So he says to me, he says, that's terrible. You can't do that. He says, how much are you behind? I told him how much I was behind. He says, it's unacceptable. Give me a minute.
He goes out of his office, and he comes back, and he gives me a check. He says, this is a loan. You have to pay your people on time taken. I said, I don't know if I can accept loans. I don't like loans. So he says, it's okay. You'll pay it back when you pay it back. So I came back a few weeks later, and I started paying back the loan. I started giving him payments, you know,
and then a few weeks later, I gave him another payment, and a few weeks later, I gave him another payment, and he said to me, I appreciate that you started repaying the loan. He says, it's the first time that I've ever given someone a loan that they pay me back. He says, now the rest is for you, the donation to the organization, and you can keep the rest of it as a donation. I'm so grateful that you came to repay the loan.
I think in general, a person needs to be responsible. You borrow money, you need to return the money. Now, if you have a kind person who loans you the money, you may not need it back now. It may take some time, and there can be understanding of that if they don't need it, if it's not pressing, and that a person needs to be grateful for, but never to think that it's not a loan. It's a loan, you borrow money, you have to return the money.
That's what Hashem wants us to do, but again, as the person who's the giver, you have to understand that if the person doesn't have the money, don't put all your bets on it, and definitely don't loan out money that's going to take away your dinner for your family. So if you have, only loan the amount that you're able to part with. Generally speaking, like the Hebrew Free Loan Association, which does great work in the community, they need to,
it's not an issue of only collateralization, it also is that they need references, and they need someone who's going to vouch, because they need to know who it is that, you know, you're a very fine person. I know that. But they don't. They're sitting in an office, somebody who doesn't really know, per se, who you are and that you're credible. The Gemara now interprets its citation of the Briseh to ask, The sages said that we should first give him
the charity funds as a gift. But we're discussing a case where he won't take a gift as charity. Right? He won't take the gift because he's going to be embarrassed, so we're going to give it to him as a loan. So what's going on? So Amar Rava, the Gemara, explains, The sages mean that we should begin by offering it to him, just take it as a gift. And if he refuses, then we offer it to him as a loan.
No, fine, it's not a gift, it's a loan, it's fine, perfect. The Gemara returns its citation of the Briseh, regarding one who has the means to support himself, but does not want to support himself, wishing instead to be supported by the charity funds, that is, he afflicts himself with starvation rather than spend his own money on food. We give him money from the charity fund as a gift, and then turn around and collect the money from him. So like this, there's some people who,
Nebuch, sadly, have an unhealthy reality that they live in. They don't want to spend money on themselves, they're miserly on themselves. So we'll give him a matana, it's a gift, and then they collect it back from him. The Gemara interrupts its citation of the Briseh to ask, what do you mean, you're coming back to collect it from him? But once he sees that we do this, the ruse will no longer be effective, sulo shakil, you won't be able to come
and take charity from us anymore. The Gemara explains, after his death, after he passes away, we will collect from his estate. So the Gemara returns to the citation of the Briseh, Reb Shimon Omer, Reb Shimon says, if one has the means to support himself but does not want to, but does not want to support himself, ein is koken lo, we do not become involved with him. I'm sorry, if you have money, you need to spend your own money.
The congregation does not, the community, does not have to support you when you have money. Yeah, I don't want to pull it out of my 401k. I don't want to pull it out of my investments. I don't want to, right, that's unacceptable. Ein is koken lo. Ein is koken lo. And we don't want to get involved with him. If he does not have the means to support himself but does not want to be supported through charity, what we tell him is give us a security,
give us a collateral and take the money. So that his mind should be confident that this transaction is actually a loan. So now that we're holding his collateral, he feels like it's a loan and that way he's willing to accept that. The Gemara cites Ebrahisa that discusses the scriptural source for this. And now we're going to talk about a story, an amazing story. The Gemara relates an incident regarding an Amora who was careful not to embarrass the recipient of his charity.
Ma'ukva had a pauper in his neighborhood who he supported, but the pauper did not know who the benefactor was. And this is called matan beseter, to give it in hiding, that the person doesn't know who is the giver. There's another level where the giver doesn't even know who the recipient is. Okay, we'll talk about that a different time. For every day Ma'ukva was accustomed to toss four zuzim in the socket of the pauper's door when he was not there.
So he would like slip a few dollars under his door and the pauper wouldn't know. I want to go and I want to find out who is giving me this kindness, who's putting money under my door every single day that I can support myself. That day Ma'ukva was delayed at the study hall. His wife, who was privy to Ma'ukva's charitable custom, accompanied him on the way to the pauper's house. As soon as the pauper saw Ma'ukva was slanting the door's pivot
to place the money in the socket, he went out after them. They ran away from him to keep Ma'ukva's identity secret and thus spare the pauper from shame. Eventually, to escape the pauper, they're running down the block. As you can imagine, Ma'ukva and his wife are running down the block away from this guy so that he not be embarrassed. Ma'ukva and his wife entered a certain oven with coals that had been removed but which was still burning hot
and they sat inside it. Ma'ukva's feet had become burnt. Ma'ukva, whose feet were not affected, said to him, Take your feet and place them upon my feet. Ma'ukva felt dejected, or say to say seeing that his merits were inferior to hers. He says, I am generally present in the house where the paupers can find me easily and also the benefit they derive from my charity is immediate because I feed them food right away. When the poor people come to the house
and I feed them food, so my charity benefits them immediately. But yours, they still need to go to the marketplace, they need to buy the ingredients, they need to cook the food, so it's not as direct of an impact. The charity that I give, therefore I had more merits than you because my charity affected them immediately and yours wasn't. But what in the world just happened here? What in the world just happened here? Here you see,
and this is a very famous Talmud, an important Talmud for us to remember, they ran into a burning oven. They ran into a burning oven, not to embarrass this poor person. So the Gemara asks, what in the world? Such an extreme action, for what? Why are they jumping into a burning oven? Why did they have to flee from him to hide inside an oven? The Gemara answers, And others say that it was Rav Huno,
the son of Bizno, who said in the name of Rav Shimon Chassida. Who is Rav Shimon Ben Yochai? That's our sage from Lagba Omer that we just passed. Some say that it was Rav Yochanan who said it in the name of Rav Shimon Ben Yochai. It is better for a person should surrender himself to a fiery furnace than to shame his fellow in public. Menolon, and where do we know this from? Mitamar, we see this from Tamar, the woman who had relations with Yehudah,
and Yehudah was ready to kill her. She didn't say, excuse me, I recognize you, you're the guy. That's not what she said. What did she say? She takes out this stick, and she says, whoever left this stick, this is the person that impregnated me. He understood and he said yes, and that's why he's called Yehudah, because he was mode there. He admitted his guilt, and he said, that was me, and I did that. But she didn't want to embarrass him,
so she didn't. She was ready to be put to death and not embarrass him. So next week, God willing, we'll continue more with the stories of charity, but I think that we need to understand the power that the Torah is so concerned about a person's dignity. The Torah is so concerned about a person being embarrassed. Well, I'm doing a good deed. I'm doing a good deed. I'm giving an act of kindness. I'm giving charity. I'm giving them money.
I'm supporting them. I need to worry. Let them worry. Don't embarrass them. Don't embarrass them. It's better to throw yourself into a fiery furnace and burn your feet off than to embarrass someone in public. What an unbelievable, unbelievable teaching of the Torah. The Torah doesn't want us humiliating another person, even if you're right. You have an argument with someone in politics, which is very common today. No need to embarrass. No need to call names.
Even if they're wrong, even if they're dead wrong, it doesn't make a difference. We need to do everything we can not to embarrass another person. My dear friends, have an amazing Shabbos.

You've been listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe on a podcast produced by Torch, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. Please help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe. Please visit torchweb.org to donate and partner with us on this incredible endeavor.