Thinking Talmudist Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:00 - Intro (Announcement)
You are listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of TORCH in Houston, Texas. This is the Thinking Talmudist Podcast.

00:13 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
Welcome back everybody to the Thinking Talmudist Podcast. It's so wonderful to be here. Last week we discussed the three partners in the creation of man and, if you remember the Talmud, we shared the different components that the father contributes, that the mother contributes and that God contributes. I was recently talking to a friend of mine who's marrying off a child and he sounded a little worried about how he's going to pay. I'm like I'm a rabbi, trust me, I can relate. So he was a little concerned, like how's he going to pay for it? It's expensive to marry off a child, it's not simple. I said, I know, I know, I know, I said. But I want you to remember one thing. I want you to remember that we talk when a baby is born, we give thanks to Hashem that there are three partners in the creation of man the father, the mother and God. And then, when you know, they have their upsharing at three years old, we're like, oh, three partners in the creation. And then, bar mitzvah, they talk about it but suddenly, by wedding, they forget that there's a third partner. I said, trust me, hashem knows exactly how to pay for the wedding. Just leave it to him. The third partner always pulls through, always through, don't worry about it. So now the Talmud is going to continue and share with us more about this partnership, another teaching based on the three-way partnership in the creation of man Darash, ullah, rabah, apitcha, debenesia.

01:40
Ullah the great expounded on the expanded at the entrance of the house of the Nasi. Who's the Nasi? The Nasi was the leader, the prince of the Jewish people, judah, the prince right. He was the author of the Mishnah, ma'ai Dechsev. What is the meaning of that which is written? Yoduch HaHashem Kom Malachei Eretz Kishamu imrei ficha. All the kings of the world will acknowledge you, hashem, because they heard the statement of your mouth Maamar pichol, onemar. It does not say the statement singular statement of your mouth, ela imrei ficha. Instead, it says the statements in plural of your mouth. Instead, it says the statements in plural of your mouth.

02:30
Why this indicates that when the Holy One blessed is, he said the first two of the Ten Commandments I am Hashem, your God, and lo yilachah, elohim achir ma'aponai, you shall not have another God before me. Amru'u Mosol and the nations of the world, who heard this said l'chvor atzma hu doresh. He's saying it for his own honor. This God is into himself. So everything's about anohi. I am Hashem, your God. You shall not have the name of idols before me, but as soon as God added in the Ten Commandments, honor your father and mother, they retracted their original position the nations of the world and acknowledged the first two statements as being God's declaration for mankind. Is that?

03:30
It's an interesting thing that if we don't have Torah, if we don't have Judaism in our lives, then we don't have morals, we don't have ethics. I know the world likes to think that we're living in a culture today where, oh, we're just so loving of everyone, and it's like kumbaya, this liberalization of the world, that everything is just fine. Now we're in pride months, of course, oh, everything, equality and all that. So it's very important for us to address something. I think it's very, very. It might not be pleasant for everyone to hear it, but it's a fact. The fact is that when we distance ourselves from Torah, we distance ourselves from values, from morals, from ethics. The nations of the world all have ethical values based on the Torah. They have morals based on the Torah. The Torah is the anchor for all morality. The Torah is what tells us what's right and wrong, because otherwise, if we didn't have the guidelines of the Torah, everyone would do as they seem fit and they would kill one another. I think you stole my park spot. That's unethical, it's immoral and I'm going to kill you. And that's the way it is. No, there's nothing that that puts it into structure, into order.

04:57
I was extremely saddened today to read, to read on one of my rabbinic chats. Someone shared the following this is from Hebrew Union College, the Center for Reform Judaism, the Jewish Institute of Religion. Okay, dear H-U-C-J-I-R community, which is the whole Hebrew Union College community, just listen to this first paragraph. Following a multi-year effort to reevaluate admissions and ordination requirements for our rabbinical and cantorial students, we have decided to rescind the requirement that the partners of our students in long-term committed relationships must be Jewish. Moving forward, the religious identity of a student or applicant's partner will no longer disqualify students for admission or ordination, meaning the Reform Movement has no problem with people applying to their school and becoming rabbis or cantors with their spouses not being Jewish.

06:16
My friends, what in the world is going on? If being Jewish is no longer a value to Jewish people, then we're totally lost. This is not me, I didn't make this up. This is from their website. What is going on? But these people have no problem chastising you for not having the let's call it the liberal mindset of saying that abortions are no problem. Or if you hold, like the Torah, that certain lifestyle choices are prohibited, they have no problem with that. And they don't either have a problem if the spouse of a rabbi is not Jewish no problem.

07:15
So this is really, really concerning, because I know this is not related to the exact topic that we're talking here, but when we start bringing up the Ten Commandments of Anokhi Hashem I am Hashem, your God. You shall not have an idol placed before me, which is the Almighty that's talking to us Then what do we have to keep us together? Yes, oh, of course. Look, the reality is that any time, any time that you have such a statement being made, any time and this includes, by the way, when the conservative movement allowed driving to shul on Shabbos and then disallowed it a few years later Any time you see such a diversion from what the Torah says, it's because of membership, it's because we have to save the bottom dollar. The bottom dollar is we're not going to have members soon, we're not going to have rabbis soon. So we just have to break all of the values, all of the things that we know are the basics. So it's basically saying that the church doesn't care if someone is, you know, committed to Christianity, as long as they just come and join us, which they might actually say. But I mean that means what we're saying is that they have no longer any standards. Any standards Because you know what the next step is. The next step is that the applicant themselves don't have to be Jewish, which is already happening. They just haven't announced it Because it could be from any questionable conversion. It can be, which is a reality. The reality is that if someone doesn't accept Torah and mitzvos as their process of conversion, there's no conversion.

09:15
It's like imagine me telling you I'm a big aviation enthusiast and let me fly the plane. They're like no, no, no, no, no, no, you have to have the license. I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, you have to have the license. I'm like no, no, no, no, no. But I know everything about planes. I'm a big enthusiast and I love planes. I watch the takeoffs and landings. I do this all the time, like, oh, you have such a love for it, come, you can fly our plane. Everyone knows that that's ridiculous, right? So again, we're not here to bash anyone and the honest truth. My response when I saw this and my response on the group was that how sad to see the deterioration of our brothers and sisters. It's really tragic.

10:03
I will tell you that most people that I know who are members of Reform I'm not most every single one of the members that I know who are members of Reform, conservative or Orthodox synagogues are not Reform, conservative and Orthodox people. Just because you pay membership there doesn't mean anything. Okay, bring me a Reformed person, anybody who's a member of a Reformed temple. All right. Do you believe that the Torah was given at Mount Sinai? Yes, okay, so you're not a Reformed Jew, because the basic platform of Reformed Judaism is that the Torah was not given at Mount Sinai. So you're not a Reformed Jew, congratulations. You're like. So what am I? Well, so you're not a reformed Jew, congratulations. You're like. So what am I? Well, I'm not Orthodox, so I'm probably conservative. That's not the way it works, right? That's what I'm saying. So your membership doesn't define your Judaism, is what I'm saying. Okay, so I'm telling you that you're not a reformed Jew. Is exactly what I'm saying. You are an aspiring Jew who's trying to. Exactly who comes here five times, six times a week, to come learn Torah. Right, that's a growing Jew and that's the only thing that counts.

11:15
I told you there is no such thing as a reformed Jew, as an Orthodox Jew, as a conservative Jew, as a Reconstructionist Jew. It's all nonsense, it doesn't exist. It doesn't exist. Everyone wants to feel good in their connection with Hashem and everyone finds a thing, but the idea is take a step in your growth. It's not about the label and, by the way, we're the anti-labels, we're the anti-labels Jews. There's no label for Jews. Every Jew needs to be, and that's what we're the anti-labels Jews. There's no label for Jews. Every Jew needs to be, and that's what we're trying to do in Torch. We're trying to just inspire every Jew to take a step in their growth. Yes, please, right, right.

11:58
So I'll tell you the worst midos you find on boards, Board of directors. You find people yelling and screaming and I'm like. You know that's not. I always say that in Torah, the board will be bored. Right, we'll keep you bored. It's so not exciting, because we do one thing and one thing only we teach Torah, and that's it. We try to raise money to pay for our rabbis who are teaching Torah, but that's it. We teach Torah, that's it. We try to raise money to pay for our rabbis who are teaching Torah, but that's it. That's it. Yes, right, you know what it used to be.

12:29
There were two types of Jews. There was a Shomer Shabbos Jew and a non-Shomer Shabbos Jew. That was it. Shabbos is the defining line. Essentially, that's what God says in his Torah. Shabbos is really the essence of it all.

12:42
But I think that every Jew needs to take a step. Look, you know, I know many people who grew up without the concept of Shabbos. They never even heard of it. I remember I invited someone once. He's from Ohio, from some small town in Ohio. I invited him for Shabbos. He's like who's that? Like, never heard of it, never heard of it, never heard of it. Imagine a Jew today who doesn't never heard of Shabbos. You're telling me that that person is, by choice, not observing Shabbos. No, he doesn't know what it is, and that's the way I believe most Jews today.

13:10
There's no one who intentionally says I don't want to keep Shabbos. There's no such person. I never met such a person. I don't want to keep Shabbos, no, I don't know what it is, or I'm not there yet, and that makes it's like a little child. A little child. They start walking, they take a little step.

13:28
You don't say, run a marathon, let's go move it. That's not the way you take a step. Take a step, a small step. If that step is one time on Shabbos, not turning on a light switch, that's the most beautiful observance of Shabbos. If I'm not going to touch my phone for a few hours, it's a beautiful observance of Shabbos. It's taking a single step. It's taking a single step and that's what it's all about.

13:56
It's not about all or nothing. Judaism is not all or nothing. It's not all or nothing. That's not who we are. You don't see it anywhere in the Torah where God says do everything. Because the biggest problem, I find, is that people say, rabbi, I can't, I can't. It would be a contradiction if I went to synagogue because I don't always wear a kippah right. It would be a contradiction if you know it would be. No, no, you don't have to do everything, and that's the people make that mistake. They think I, the only way to keep kosher is if I also. You know, keep kosher here and I also do this, and I also keep shabbos and I also. No, that's not the way it works.

14:41
Do one step, one step, one small step. That's it. Take one small step. That's the growth that is organic, that is healthy is when we take a step that's so small, they're like that's too small. That's the right one. When you say that that's too small, that's the right step. Take just a step. And I'm offering to all of our listeners and viewers out there you can go to our website and request for free magnets that cover your light switches For Shabbos. It'll make it easier so you can just, you know, have this light. Take one light switch in your house and make that your Shabbos light, this one. You don't turn on or off. That's a beautiful observance of Shabbos. That's right. One light switch at a time. All right, my dear friends, let's continue. So we are now in the middle of 31A.

15:37
An alternative source for this teaching Rava Amar Rava said Mehocha. It may be derived from the following verse the beginning of your utterance is true. Let me ask you a question Is it meant to imply that the beginning of your utterance is true but the end is not Rather? It means that from the end is not El ha-misov, d'var ha-nikah, rather, it means that from the end of your utterance, the command to honor your parents. It is evident, she-roish d'var ha-emes, that the beginning of your utterance, the first two commandments I am Hashem, your God, and you shall not have other gods before me. That they're true.

16:22
Having shown that the nations of the world recognize the importance of honoring one's parents, the Gemara cites two examples of how a certain Gentile honored his parents to illustrate the extent of this obligation. I want you to know that this is one of the most incredible demonstrations of truth in Judaism, that we learn from whoever we can learn from. We learn from whoever we can learn from. The Torah says that wisdom by the nations of the world. There's plenty of that Plenty of wisdom, and you can learn a lot of things from non-Jews. But here, think of this. There's a commandment in the Torah Kabedis avicha ve'esimecha Honor your father and mother. And where do we go to learn about this? Come and join me in the following piece of Talmud. It's incredible. Boimine mirav ula. They asked Rav Ula, ad heichon kibod ava'im, how far does the mitzvah of honoring one's father and mother extend? Amar lahem Ullah answered them Tzu'uru ma'asa oved kochavim echad be'ashkelon. Go and see how one idolater performed this mitzvah in Ashkelon V'doma ben nesina shmo. His name is Doma ben Nesina, the son of.

17:48
It once happened that the sages wanted to buy a certain merchandise from from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from, from from from. It was at a price that would give a profit of 600,000 gold dinners. But the key to the safe, to the chest that contained the merchandise, was lying under his father's pillow and his father was sleeping at the time. V'lo Tziaro and Dama, the son of Nesina, did not disturb his father. From this, our sages tell us, we learn proper honoring of our father and mother. We're going to elaborate on this in a minute, a more detailed version of this incident. Amr of Yehudah said in the name of Shmuel they asked Rabbi Lehezer, how far does the mitzvah of honoring one's father and mother extend? Amr Lehem, rabbi Lehezer answered them Go and see how this Gentile who lives in Ashkelon, see how he treated his father, and his name is Dama Ben Esino. Our sages asked him for one of the stones for the eifot, for the breastplate of the Kohen Gadol of the high priest, and the price would have given him 600,000 gold dinars profit. Another alternative version Rav Kahana taught that the potential profit was 800,000 gold coins, gold dinars. The narrative is resumed V'hoi yimavteach munach tachas merashos sholaviv, and the key to the safe for these precious stones was lying under his father's pillow and he was sleeping at the time. V'lo tziaroni did not disturb his father.

20:01
L'shona acheres the next year, nosana kodesh boruchu secharo. So Hashem repaid him. He was going to make a profit of six to eight hundred thousand gold coins. Okay, so now he fulfilled the mitzvah of kibra ve'eim of honoring your father and mother. And what's his financial reward? What happened? He loses the money. Gemara says no, he got his reward Because in the coming year, he says the following year, a red heifer was born in his herd and the sages went to him to purchase the parah adumah, the red heifer.

20:43
The son of Nessina said he says I know you, the parah adumah, the red heifer, amr lehem, amr lehem Doma. The son of Nesina said Yodea ani bochem. He says I know you. Sheim ani mivakesh mikem kol maman shel bo'olam Atem noslami. He says I know you, sages, you holy people. Any money I ask for, you will give it to me. You'll give me, of course, elo einani mevakeesh v'kem elo oso mamon. However, I'm only going to ask you for that money that I would have gotten for that stone, shefsadeti b'shvil kvod Abba, that I lost as a result of honoring my father. So the Gemara comments on this incident. V'amer Abba Hanina, or Hanina, said U'ma mi she'enu motzuv ve'osekach.

21:23
Now think of this. Someone who performs the precepts of the Torah without having been commanded receives such a great reward. Someone who is commanded to the precepts of the Torah, even greater will his reward be. Who has a harder time helping doing a mitzvah? Someone who's asked to do a mitzvah, but if you're not asked, everyone wants to volunteer. Like, if you ask your own children to help you unload the car, like no, they have every excuse in the world. I'm going to a friend, but if the neighbor asks, no problem, I'm there. No, it's because you're not required to, but you'll do it anyway. It's always harder to do things when you're commanded to do it and therefore, when someone's commanded to honor their father and mother and does it, their reward will be even greater than we see by this Gentile Dama Ben-Hassina.

22:23
But I want to ask you a question. Imagine one of my children wakes me up one Shabbos afternoon or one morning, regular day, not Shabbos, but another day and they say Abba, you're going to be so proud of me. He said there was a few Japanese businessmen. Their car broke down right in front of our house. They begged me for the keys to your car. They said they're going to buy your car for $600,000 because they're rushing downtown to close a deal. Their Uber and Lyft app is not working. If I just give them the car, right, $600,000, they're ready to pay for that car. And I didn't wake you up for your keys, right? You imagine I'd be like are you out of your mind? What's wrong with you? What's wrong with you? I could pay for a wedding or two like that, right, right? So you imagine Dama Ben-Hassinah's father wakes up and he says Daddy, guess what? You're going to be so proud of me? Right, the key to the safe. Yeah, the rabbis came. They were going to pay, I was going to make a profit of six to eight hundred thousand gold coins and guess what? I didn't wake you up. Imagine.

23:50
So what does this tell us? Why would the Gemara give us such a preposterous example, such a ridiculous example? This is the example you give us of someone who honors their father and mother. So there's something deeper that we need to understand in what honoring our father and mother is.

24:09
It doesn't say honor a father and mother, honor your father and mother. What does that mean? You have to know your father and mother. You have to know what they appreciate, what they enjoy, what they enjoy, what they like, what is honor to them. Because what's honor to one person is not honor to another person.

24:34
It's very different the way one person honors their father and mother and the way another person honors their father and mother, and therefore doma b'nesunanu, that his father does not want to be woken up for anything. Every person needs to know there are some people who don't mind being woken up. There are some people who by all costs do not wake them up. There are some people who have a mishagas. They have some crazy thing in their crazy idea in their mind. They want this to be done like that. So that's the proper way to honor them.

25:11
Every child, that's the obligation. The child needs to know what is honor for their parent. Oh, my neighbor has. That's the way they honor their parents. So that's no, no, no. It's not one size fits all. Avicha ve'es, imecha, that's the way they honor their parents. No, no, no, it's not one size fits all. It's your father, your mother. Their personal honor and respect is unique. The way they perceive honor is different. It's unique. It's not one size fits all and that's what we learn here. Dhamma Benasena understood what his father wanted. This was his father's honor. But what else do we see? We see that you'll never lose out by doing a mitzvah. You do a mitzvah, you're going to. It's like people like I.

26:00
Once I, just not a long, not long ago I made a. I made, made an introduction between two business people and it turns out they started making a lot of money together. So someone asked me Nud, did you get a cut from it? Did you ask for a? You know a? How do you call it fee? You know, like a finder's fee. I'm like my finder's fee goes from Hashem. I don't need from them. Hashem knows exactly the calculation, the score of exactly what you're supposed to get. They won't give it to you. Hashem will give it to you. I don't need to ask for it, hashem knows exactly.

26:41
Hashem knew that this individual quote lost money by not waking up his father. He made it back, don't worry, this is a very interesting thing. We see that it was the next year that the red heifer came about. Next year it was a year later. People think that God is instant like this, like oh, oh, oh, ten seconds later he's going to get it from someplace else. Hashem has patience, hashem has time. It comes in the right time.

27:12
Alright, pursuant to the last point that Gemara adds, rabbi Yosef said at first I used to say that if someone would tell me that the halacha accords with the view of Rabbi Yehuda, who said that a blind person is exempt from observing the mitzvahs, I would make a holiday for the rabbis, because that would mean that I, since I am blind, I'm not commanded to perform the mitzvahs and yet I perform them. But now that I heard from what Rabbi Hanina said, that one who performs the precept having been commanded to do so is greater than one who performs a precept without having been commanded to do so, Ad rabba, on the contrary, if someone would tell me that the halacha does not accord with Rabbi Yehuda, I would be happy and make a feast for the rabbis, a holiday for the rabbis. Why? Because I want to get the greater reward. Which one do I get greater reward from? When I'm commanded to or not commanded to. So if I know that by being blind, I'm still commanded to observe the Torah, I want that why? Because then my reward will be far greater. We're now at the bottom of 31a.

28:51
The Gemara says another incident involving Dhamma Bindesina. Imagine this one guy, this Gentile, gets so much ink in the Talmud written about him, so much written about him. It's very interesting, though, that the commentaries say that Dama Ben-Hassina was a righteous Gentile and he wished to receive his reward in the world to come rather than in this world. So just to correct what I said before, I said the ephod was the breastplate. That's not correct. It's the apron that had two gems on each side. The commentaries say that an apron-like garment with two shoulder straps, worn by the Kohen Gadol. A precious stone, was placed on the top of each of the shoulder straps, and that was the exact stone that they were looking for from Dama Ben-Hassina. Okay, so now the Gemara says another incident involving Dama Ben-Hassina. Okay, so now the Gemara says another incident involving Dama Ben-Hassina Ki osa Rav Dimi amar. When Rav Dimi came to Babylonia from the land of Israel, he said pam achas hay lavush, sir koin shelzov. It once happened that Dama Ben-Hassina, this Gentile was dressed in a gold, embroidered silk cloak and was sitting among the nobles of Rome and his mother came and ripped it off him and she hit him on his head and she spit in his face, yet he did not shame her.

30:30
Another teaching about the mitzvah of honoring parents Avimi, the son of Rabbovot, taught the following One can feed his fatheriv pisyoni, v'tordim min olam. One can feed his father a pisyon, which is a type of bird, and this act can drive him from this world. V'yesh matchino b'rechayim. And there's one who can make his father grind with a millstone and this act can bring him the life with the millstone and this act can bring him the life of the world to come. Meaning, if the father is disgusted by that bird, okay, you understand. If the father is disgusted by that bird, then it's not honoring him. I brought you your steak, what do you want? But he doesn't like steak, or he doesn't like it. Well done, you give it to him. Well done, right. It's like if you perform the mitzvah in a way that the father doesn't appreciate, that's not the mitzvah. Well, I'm sorry, you have to change your standards. Well, that's not what honoring father and mother is. On the other hand, if your father enjoys working the millstone and you allow him to do that, you get the reward in the world to come. Okay, the Talmud now continues.

31:51
On 31b, the Gemara cites how Avimi actually honored his father. Amr Abavoh said Someone like Avimi, my son, fulfilled the mitzvah of honoring one's father. How Avimi had five ordained sons during the life of his father, avoh. Nevertheless, whenever Abo came calling at the door, rohit v'ozel posich leh, avimi himself would run and open it. V'omar in in adimot mitoi hosam, calling. Yes, I shall open it. Yes, I shall open it. Yes, I shall open it. Until he arrived there, yom achad omer leh Ashkiyon mayo.

32:51
One day Avoh told Avimi the father told his son, get us water to drink, adi aisei leh nimneim. While Avimi was bringing the water, reb Avoh fell asleep. Avimi bent over and waited for him to awake. He sat there holding the cup of water until he woke up. While he was waiting, a divine inspiration came to this avimi and avimi expounded. He sang a song of asaf from Psalms, and that is chapter 79 in Psalms. But we see that is the great mitzvah, the great mitzvah of honoring one's father and mother. So I apologize that we started late.

33:52
We had a little good time here in our discussion, but my hope and my prayer is that we all understand that the greatness of our relationship with God, the greatness of the performance of our mitzvahs, is a very personal thing. The way in which we connect to Hashem is a very close, personal thing for us to accomplish, for us to connect, for us to grow and to change. And it's not by the measure of anyone else. The way we honor our father and mother, not by the measure of anyone else, by the way we recite a blessing, not by the measure of anyone else. I can tell you, I know somebody who sits in synagogue and prays the entire prayer in English.

34:44
In English Doesn't know a word of how to read Hebrew. Not a word, every single word in English, out loud, slowly, beautifully, the way in which Hashem loves it. A person could think, oh, I can't, I can't, it's okay, hashem is very understanding, hashem is very understanding, hashem is very loving, Hashem is very desiring of our closeness. But it's on a personal level that we have to connect to Hashem. Hashem should bless us all, that we should all merit to be among His servants who serve Him truly, in a way of love, in a way of commitment and, as Hashem will have an amazing Shabbos, have a good Shabbos everyone.

35:28 - Intro (Announcement)
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