Thinking Talmudist Podcast · Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe

00:00 - Intro (Announcement)
You are listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe of TORCH in Houston, Texas. This is the Thinking Talmudist Podcast.

00:13 - Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe (Host)
All right, welcome back everybody to the Thinking Talmudist Podcast. We are on 31B in Tractate Kedushin and we're towards the middle of the page. The Gemara that we've been discussing for the past maybe five or six or ten episodes has been discussing the responsibilities that a child has towards the father and the responsibilities a father has towards their child. We mentioned previously that there are three partners to man. There's the father, the mother and Hashem. Now the Gemara addresses another question regarding the mitzvah of honoring one's parents. Amar lay, reb Yaakov bar Avuha la'abaye. Reb Yaakov, the son of Avuha, inquired of Abaye. In a situation such as my own, where, before I returned from the study hall, my father prepares a cup of water for me and my mother mixes the wine for me, what should I do? My job as a child is to honor my parents, but here my parents are going out of their way to honor me. He says accept it from your mother, but don't accept it from your father, for since he is a Torah scholar, he will become distressed if you allow him to serve you. Okay, he's a Torah scholar, okay. So now we have to understand something. It's very, very important for us to understand the mitzvah here. What is the mitzvah, the mitzvah here. What is the mitzvah?

02:06
The mitzvah is to honor your father. You, as a child, honor your father. It does not mean that a child needs to honor their father like their neighbor or their friend honors their father Respectively. Each one needs to be honored in their own proper way, meaning your father, your father, your mother. What could be an honor for your father may be different of what can be an honor for someone else's father. So there's no standards. The world loves to have standards that this is the way things are done. No, that's not true in the Torah, ever. You always find that it's subjective. It's subjective to the individual and each individual. That means that you have to be very, very careful not to put everyone into one big basket, because everyone likes something different and therefore the same thing applies, by the way, in marriage. Well, all of my friends treat their husband like this. So if I treat you well, that's not what I enjoy. Okay, you understand. So every relationship, every person and, by the way, every single child. King Solomon in Proverbs teaches us educate your child according to his way, meaning that is unique to every person. And what is the proper way to educate one child, even from the same family might be different for a different child from the same family. So the fact that, well, well, this is the way it is in our home is not a real good educational policy. The educational policy needs to be per child, this child. What is best for this child is what I do For a different child. It could be something else.

04:05
Now the science of figuring out how to make it fear for your children. I always tell my children nothing, life is fear. Nothing life is fear. Is it fear that you're more handsome than your brother? Is it fear that he's smarter than you, is it? No, it's not fear. You have to deal with what you have. And what you have is your uniqueness, your specialty. And, as a parent, our job is to bring out the uniqueness of each child and to help them flourish as a unique individual.

04:40
And two children typically in a family shouldn't be raised the exact same way and shouldn't end up being the exact same thing Because they're different. You go no further than any set of twins. I'm sure we all know people who are twins. You'll have twins. They're not the same, even though they came from the same pregnancy, know the same pregnancy. They were born minutes apart from each other. Still, one likes blue, one likes green, one likes chocolate, one likes vanilla. It's like it is so different. They're so different from one another. Now imagine if they're not from the same womb, if they're not from the same birth, and they are from different families. Obviously they'll be very, very different. So therefore we have to understand and, doctor, I'm sure will agree with this that you can't there's no A, b, c, d, e in treatment of a patient. Every child, every patient will come with a unique set of criteria and therefore the approach, the method needs to be different and unique for each child, okay, and for each patient.

05:57
The Gemara records the extent to which one, tana, ordered his mother, rev Tarfon, havalei Hahi Ima. Rev Tarfon had an elderly mother, whom he treated with such respect, to call Amos, to have a boy to sleep with. That whenever she wanted to climb into bed, he would bend down and she would climb onto him into bed. She would climb on him into bed, she would climb on him. The whole aim is to have a nachas. And whenever she wanted to descend from her bed, nachtas ilavi, she would descend on him to reach the floor. Osevika mishtakach bei midrosha.

06:43
Reb Tarfin came and lauded his own performance of the mitzvah to his colleagues in the study hall. He was telling them this is what I do for my mother. They told him well, it's fine and dandy, but just know that you have not yet reached half of the honor one can bestow upon his parents. Has your mother ever thrown a bag of your money into the sea in your presence and you not shame her right? You can imagine what would happen if your father comes to you, takes your wallet filled with money, all your credit cards, your driver's license, everything and your favorite picture, and he takes your wallet and throws it into the ocean. Imagine how thankful Would you go over and give him a hug and a kiss. I don't think so. We would all experience a very difficult time with that. Why did you do that? What's wrong with you? Are you insane? Did you take your pills today? We will have many, many ways to react, but over here the Gemara says that is the ultimate is that when your mom or dad does something which is so terrible to you and you accept it lovingly.

08:03
The Gemara relates another extraordinary performance of this mitzvah of Yosef. Whenever Yosef heard the footstep of his mother, he would say I shall stand before the divine presence which is approaching. Approaching meaning he really honored his mother like he would the divine presence. If the Almighty was walking into the room, or if any great rabbi walked into the room, we'd all jump to our feet, stand up and give them honor. But do we do that when our mom walks into the room? That's the proper level of respect that is due from a child to a parent.

08:50
The Gemara records in Amorah's feeling about the mitzvah of honoring one's parent. Rabbi Yochanan said Happy is one who never saw his parents. Rabbi Yochanan Ki ibar tu imo meis aviv. When Rabbi Yochanan's mother was carrying him, his father died, yelad to meis o imo. As soon as he was born, his mother died V'chein abaye. And the same was true with abaye he never saw his parents. Parents. Now, what is he saying? That praised or happy is the one who never saw his parents, he says, since it is almost impossible to honor one's parents appropriately and properly, a child will inevitably be punished on account of not having honored them properly. He's saying. Therefore, praiseworthy is someone who never saw his parents and never improperly honored them. Okay, but what do you think the Gemara is now going to talk about? Yeah, very good. What happens if your parents have passed? Do they require no honor? Do they require no honor? We know that they will. We'll see this later in the Gemara.

10:12
The Gemara objects to the statement of Abaya Ain't he. Is it so that Abaya never saw either of his parents? Amr Abaya, amr Lee Aime, but Abaya was known to have said my mother told me Hence Abaya, amrili Aim, but Abaya was known to have said my mother told me Hence Abaya's mother was living during his lifetime. So how can you say that she wasn't? The Gemara answers that woman whom he quoted was not his biological mother, but rather it was actually his nurse. However, abaya called her his mother because she raised him. So it wasn't actually his biological mother. It was the woman who he called mother in honor of the way that she raised him as a mother would.

11:00
The Gemara relates an episode involving an Amorah and his mother, reb Asi hadah and his mother, rab'asi Havalei Ahi Imo Zakenah. Rab'asi had a very elderly mother, amroleh Be'ino Tachshiton. Once she said to him I want jewelry, ovadlah. He thereupon made jewelry for her, be'ino Gavrah. Subsequently, the mother said I want a husband. Replied I will look for one for you. She then said I want one who's as handsome as you. Rav Asi left her and went to the land of Israel. He was in Babylonia. Who's as handsome as you? Shavko v'ozal le'aret yisroel. Rav Asi left her and went to the land of Israel. He was in Babylonia. He went to the land of Israel, shoma diko ozlo abasre. He heard, rav Asi heard that she was coming after him to Eretz Yisroel to the land of Israel.

12:05
Ose le'kamed rabi Yochanan and asked him what is the law? May one leave the land of Israel and go abroad, because possibly, once you're in the land of Israel, you can't leave. I know somebody who does that. My rabbi does not leave the land of Israel. You can pay him all the money in the world, you can offer him all the money in the world, he won't do it. You know how many hundreds of students have asked him. Come for my wedding, come for my child's wedding, come for a Shabbaton, come to meet your students, come to visit. Imagine if I was able to have my rabbi come visit us here in Houston. What an incredible honor that would be, what an incredible event that would be. He doesn't leave Israel. He considers the land of Israel to be a relationship, like a marriage to himself and he says leaving the land of Israel would be like a divorce and he's unwilling to do so.

13:00
So what is the law? May one leave the land of Israel to the diaspora? Amaralei Aser? Rebbe Yochanan replied that it was prohibited. Likras imamahu, he says what if my mother is on her way to the land of Israel? Am I allowed to go out to greet her? Amaralei any yodeh? Rebbe Yochanan said I don't know. Israach purta hoder asa? Rabbi Asa waited a while and then returned to Rabbi Yochanan Amaralei. Rabbi Yochanan said to him Asi nisratzeis, lotzeis, you wish to leave? Rabbi Asi, you wish to leave Hamakam yachzircha l'shalom. May Hashem return you to Babylonia in peace. Right, he wanted to go and greet his mother, but once he's already out, he's going to go back to where he was studying Torah in Babylonia, and study his Torah.

13:56
The commentary here says Rabbi Yochanan thought that Rav Asi had now decided to return to Babylonia and resume caring for his mother. Rabbi Yochanan therefore blessed him that he returned there in peace. In reality, rav Asi came to ask if Rabbi Yochanan had reached a decision to what he had earlier inquired about, of whether he was permitted to leave Eretz Yisrael temporarily to greet his mother. Rav Asi ponders his encounter with Rabbi Yochanan Rav Asi cameers. His encounter with Rabbi Yochanan Rav Asi came before Rabbi Lezer. Rav Asi said to him Heaven forbid, but perhaps Rabbi Yochanan was angry with me for wanting to leave the land of Israel.

14:35
You know, there's a great sage who lives in Jerusalem, in the old city of Jerusalem. He has such a love for the land of Israel that when he ever leaves Israel, for whatever important need, he needs a big rabbi, a very, very prominent rabbi. Whenever he leaves Israel he requests the last seat on the plane, all the way at the end of the plane, because whoever is the last seat on the plane is the last one to leave Israel. And when he returns to Israel he asks for the front row seat on the plane, so he's the first one into Israel. That's the love that he has for the land of Israel to be as much time as possible and to maximize every single second. By the way, to be in the land of Israel is not like any other land. The Gemara says.

15:21
The Halacha says that every four Amos that one walks in the land of Israel is a mitzvah. Every eight feet, every eight feet that you walk in the land of Israel, is another mitzvah traveling the land to its length, to its width. It's a land like none other. Amar Le, to its length, to its width, it's a land like none other, amr leh, my Amrloch.

15:47
So Rabbi Lozer asks Rav Asi, what did Rabbi Yochanan say to you? Amr leh, ha'makam ya'achzir chalashalom? He said that Hashem should return you to Babylonian peace. Amr leh, rabbi Lozer said to Rav Asi vi'im yisod erosach lo avi mavrach leh, mevrach leh. He says, if he was angry he wouldn't have blessed you. Okay, so don't worry about it, he wasn't angry at you. So, either way, the Gemara now concludes the narrative. Adahachi v'hachi shama la'aronah deka'asi. Meanwhile, ravasi heard that his mother's coffin was approaching, meaning his mother passed away.

16:22
Amar I yadi loy nafki, if I would have known that she would die before I reached her, I would never have left the land of Israel. I would have stayed in the land of Israel. Her coffin was coming anyway. But why? Because it's so precious to be in the land of Israel. You know, there's, I think, a lack of our understanding of how great of a privilege it is for us to go to the land of Israel. You know, most people think it's like you buy an airline ticket and you travel to Israel and it costs you $1,000 and you're good to go and it's great, and you see so many Jews and you go to the Kotel, and you're good to go and it's great, and you see so many Jews and you go to the Kotel and you go to all these holy places. You need to understand that Moshe was willing to do anything in the world to go into the land of Israel and he was not allowed to go into Israel, because going to the land of Israel is not like going to any other place in the world. It's a privilege. We're not fighting over a piece of property. They have to understand this the entire war that we've had since our establishment as a people in 1948, from creation of Adam and Eve.

17:44
When Abraham came to the land of Israel, to the land, leave the home of your parents, leave the home that you grew up in, and I want you to go to the land that I'm going to show you, the land that's for you and for your descendants. Right then all of this started. It didn't start with Hamas on October 7th. It didn't start with Hezbollah and pagers. That's not where it started.

18:19
It started when Abraham was given the land and it was promised to Abraham, to Isaac and to Jacob Not only to Isaac, by the way, who had a brother who can say well, I'm also a descendant of Abraham, so maybe I get it who was Yishmael Islam. It was promised to Abraham, to Isaac, to Jacob and then to everybody else, all the way through to Moshe and then to Joshua, when they entered into the land of Israel. So it's not like it's land that we had one promise to Abraham and that's it, and then everything is vague. That same promise was made later to Isaac, and later to Jacob, and later to all of the other children of Jacob, the land that I, that I promised you, then all the way to their descendants, to Moshe and to the entire Jewish people when they left Egypt. And then to Joshua, the disciple, the student of Moshe. And then they go into the land of Israel and then they conquer the land and they defeat the enemies who were dwelling in the land.

19:34
It's an unbelievable gift that we have. We need to understand this is not a fight over land. This is a fight over the word of Hashem. Hashem gave it to us as a promise and we're fighting for our right to earn it and to deserve it. So the miracles that we see? Yes, we give great compliments to the IDF and the IAF, the Air Force, and to all of the soldiers and to the prime minister and to all of the officers. Yes, great, and ministers, they're all great, they're fabulous, but it's all the hand of Hashem. That's the truth. The truth is that it's all the hand of Hashem.

20:19
And you know what? Look at the UN. Look at the disgraceful UN. We talked about this back then when they were condemning Israel. They still condemn Israel. By the way, the UN passed a resolution last week stating that within one year, no Jews are allowed in Jerusalem. Great, the UN. A bunch of retarded people. I know I'm being kind, I'm being generous, but they're all sent as representatives from their respective countries and they are blowing an opportunity because we taught the Talmud about it when the nations of the world are going to have an opportunity to stand up for Israel.

21:02
And you know, by the way, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, that America can veto a proposal in the security cats. Okay, so not in this, not in the General Assembly of the. Okay, I got it Okay. Okay, so there is. I got it. Okay, it was non-binding. Okay, so there is right. But either way, we are very few friends in the world, Very few, and even those friends have stabbed us plenty of times in the back, but we were better than them. So they said, okay, we're sorry, sorry, you caught us, like during the Six-Day War, when they sent in the USS Liberty to spy on our Israeli soldiers and give their communications to the Egyptians. Israel didn't by mistake attack the USS Liberty control room. It was very deliberate and very attentional, of course, to the face of the world.

21:54
You can read this magnificent book written by a former CIA agent, john Loftus. It's called the Secret War Against the Jews. It's this big. I didn't read the whole thing, I just read the juicy parts. And he is, as a CIA agent, right, this is all. This took a while for it to get approved for release and unclassified, but it's unbelievable. You see over there how it was deliberate. They're like, yeah, it's okay, yeah, israel's our ally, but who cares? And they gave information to their non-ally, right to the Egyptians, and Israel caught them at it and Israel held them accountable and it was a very big blessing for the Jewish people. So, even though we have friends around the world, there's very few of them, very few.

22:45
Where Emmanuel Macron yesterday was criticizing Israel for their attacks on Lebanon and demanding a ceasefire on Israel, where were you for the last 350 days, when they're shooting rockets at Israel, where a third of Israel is displaced by the way, the whole northern Israel is displaced. People are out of their homes, people are out of their jobs, children are out of schools because Hezbollah is firing rockets. He didn't say a word then. But these people have the opportunity to stand with Israel and they chose not to, and I don't pity them. I don't pity them Because they're going to be held accountable. They had the opportunity to stand with Hashem's chosen people and they chose not to. Because they have other agendas, perhaps, or because they're filled with hatred? I'll never know. We'll never know.

23:50
But it is very convenient for him to suddenly say, when Israel had probably the greatest two weeks of any military activity and any intelligence operation ever in the history of the world, we're 5,000 beepers that are only held by terrorists. They say that two children died in that operation. I don't even believe that, by the way. I don't believe anything. These people say Okay, you're telling me that 45,000 Palestinian children were killed. I don't believe a word of it, not one. So when they ask these questions, saying whoa Israel has been, you know, disproportionately killing civilians? I don't believe it. I don't believe it. Okay, I don't believe a word they're saying, Right? Either way, this whole thing is, I think it's just again the propaganda of the nations of the world trying to justify their hatred to us being a chosen nation.

24:53
You know where the Torah was given to us At Sinai. Do you know what other word rhymes with Sinai? Sina means hatred. Other word rhymes with Sinai Sina means hatred. The Talmud says that when Torah descended at Sinai, sina descended at Sinai. Hatred descended at Sinai as well.

25:18
The nations of the world are jealous of us. They're jealous that we have the manual for living, we have the guide for life, we have the manual for how to maximize pleasure in this world. We have a Shabbos, we have mitzvot, we have the most delightful life, and that's I understand. But what's the rule? The rule is you're welcome to join. We're not going to come after you. We're not going to force you. We're not going to come after you. We're not going to force you. We're not going to try to crucify you or have, like the Christians have done, pogroms and mass murderings and hangings and book burnings, and holocausts and expulsions and inquisitions because we're not converting to their faith. And holocausts and expulsions and inquisitions Because we're not converting to their faith. Or October 7th Because we're infidels and we don't believe in Muhammad.

26:16
Alright, so just to understand, when we talk about the land of Israel, we're not just talking about a country and we're not just talking about a piece of property. We're talking about a relationship with God that is way beyond earth, it's way beyond land. It's an excellent question, one that I like. Like Reb Eliezer, or who was the? Yeah, who was Reb Eliezer? I'm gonna say something I don't know. Can I quote you on that? You can quote me on that. I don't know, I literally don't. It's an excellent question. Why do these nations that have absolutely nothing to do with Israel, they don't neighbor Israel, they're not Muslims, they're not Christians, they have no interest in like? What's their deal? Congo? Like what? What did Israel do to you? Like you know, it really is a very, very interesting world that we're living in. All right, so now the Gemara continues towards the bottom of page 31A, folio 31B sorry, 31b.

27:42
In Tractate Kedushin, the Gemara relates other ways to honor parents Toner, rabboni, the rabbi's Torah. So one should honor his father during his lifetime and one should honor him also after his death. The braiso elaborates when one is alive, when their father is alive, how should they honor him? If, in a certain place, one will be heard for the sake of his father, he should not say dispatch me for my own sake, hurry me along for my own sake, dismiss me for my own sake. Rather, everything should be requested for the sake of my father. Meaning you say you know, feed me because I'm hungry, give me a place to sleep because I'm hungry Because me. Do it in honor of my father. Meaning everything should be recognizing my source, meaning where do I come from? I come from a father, a mother and Hashem, and therefore to always associate and have that relationship present.

29:04
The Brisa continues B'mozo Keitzar, how does one honor their parents after their death? If one is citing a Torah statement or a quote from their deceased father or mother, he should not say merely this is what my father said. Rather he should say he should not say merely this is what my father said Elakach hamar, abba, abba Mouri, Hareni Kaporas Mishkovo. Rather he should say so said my father, my master. May I be in atonement for his soul Ve'hani mili toch shnei moser chodesh. This is what should be said only within the first 12 months of their passing, mikan ve'eylech, but after that they should say that their memory should be blessed for life in the world to come.

29:57
Okay, so there's a something that needs to be said after someone's father passes away. Now I had the question asked to me someone I know whose father was really really, really, really, really bad to them. His father harmed him in terrible ways. The father still happens to be still alive, but he said right now I just have nothing to do with him, so I'm not dishonoring him or honoring him, I'm just like neutral and I have nothing to do with him. But after he dies, he said I want to dance on his grave. Can I do that? And I told him your honor that is obligated by the Torah upon our father and mother doesn't end by death, and the Gemara here confirms that. The Gemara here tells us that death does not end one's responsibility of honor towards their parents. Okay, the Gemara discusses yet another aspect of honoring one's parents.

31:00
The Rabbi is taught in the B'raisa A sage must change the name of his father and the name of his teacher when attributing a teaching or ruling to either of them. You don't say their name, why? But the spokesman or the translator does not change the name of his father or the name of his mother. Why? Or the name of his teacher. Let me explain. I'll explain to you.

31:35
In Talmudic times, a sage would quietly relate his public discourse to the translator, to the spokesman, who then repeated it loudly to the assembly of scholars. However, when citing a law expounded by his father. So if the child was the translator or the spokesman of the father, he doesn't say his father's name, right there. He says Rabbi so-and-so said this. You don't say, you don't call your father by his name. Okay, the sage was not permitted to mention either by name. Instead, he said to the spokesperson or the spokesman this is what my father, my master, said, or this is what my teacher, my master, said, because, again, it would be disrespectful to call them by their name. This is a known teaching A child is never allowed to say their father's name, which is why people today are less familiar with this and less cautious about this.

32:54
But it used to be that people would have their name on their talis or tefillin bag, would be embroidered on it and it would be their full name and their father's full name, so that when they're called up to the Torah someone asks them what's your? You know we're calling you up and you give your name, your Hebrew name, and your father's Hebrew name. You're not really supposed to say your father's Hebrew name, so they would just show them their talis bag and they would read it off there so-and-so, the son of so-and-so, and that way the child doesn't need to recite his father's name or state his father's name in vain for no reason. Now, obviously, if there's an important reason for that, then the father would probably forgive for his name being said, but the Torah clearly tells us that that's not honorable for one to. It's not the proper way of giving honor to our father.

33:48
The Gemara analyzes the second half of the Brisa Avu Ademan. Whose father does the spokesman cite by name Ilema Avu Ademan Turgaman? If it's talking about the father of the spokesman himself, is the spokesman not obligated to honor his father? Rather Rava says the spokesman pronounces the name of the sage's father or the sage's teacher. Pronounces the name of the sage's father or the sage's teacher. But if the child is the one doing the translating or being the spokesman for him, because he can project his voice better for the students to listen to. Again. Still, the translator or the spokesperson who's quoting the son can say it, but the son himself shouldn't Meaning. If you have the father giving the class, he's saying the words very quietly. The son tells it to the spokesman. So the son should not say his father's name. The spokesman can Okay. The spokesman can Okay Because, so you understand, it's adjusting it so that the child will never have to say his father's name.

35:13
The Gemara records an example for such conduct Ki ha-dim mar-bar-rav-ashi. This accords with the practice of Mar Bar Rav Ashi. When he expounded at a lecture and wanted to attribute a law to his father, rav Ashi, he would tell the spokesman this is what my father, my master, said, and the spokesperson announced it. As said Ve'amoreh amar hochi amar Rav Ashi, and the spokesperson announced it as this is what Rav Ashi said Okay, he was teaching. Okay, he was teaching Mar Bar Rav Ashi. Mar, the son of Rav Ashi, was giving the lecture. His father wasn't even there. And he says this is what my father, my master, taught me. What did the translator say? The spokesman? He said this is what Rav Ashi said, the father. So the son didn't say the father's name, but the spokesman did Okay, okay.

36:18
So we're going to stop here for today. My dear friends, let's take a stand. Let's stand for Israel. Don't let up. Don't let up, my dear friends. Have a magnificent Shabbos. I look forward to seeing you. Hashem should bless us all that we should all merit to not only greet Moshiach in Jerusalem today, still today, tomorrow, the next day. We wait every day, we expect Moshiach to be here every day, but, additionally, we should all merit to properly fulfill the mitzvah of honoring our father and mother, the way the Torah asks us to do. My dear friends, have an amazing Shabbos. Thank you so much.

37:00 - Intro (Announcement)
You've been listening to Rabbi Aryeh Wolbe on a podcast produced by TORCH, the Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston. We need you, we need partners. Please help sponsor an episode so we can continue to produce more quality Jewish content for our listeners around the globe. Please visit torchweb.org to donate and partner with us on this incredible endeavor.